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.They plan to go home to Wausau, Wisconsin to be near his parents when they graduate and to repay the debt they feel they owe his parents.This family situation demonstrates how relatives can aid each other in an adaptive way.Secondly, it demonstrates the relative power of individuals.Had the husband not offered to support his wife’s education, or had he failed to rationalize this choice as generally beneficial to the family, the final decision may have been different.I have known other cases where women had little support from their husbands or in-laws to get an education.They dropped out of college to support the family or build up savings so they and their husbands could buy their own home (thereby moving out of the in-laws’ home).Whatever the situation, the final verdict appears to be a group decision based on the perceived best interests of the family.Studies other than this one have also noted the resourcefulness of the family structure in Hmong society.Early marriage was studied as part of the Youth Development Survey at the University of Minnesota, the only longitudinal study of its kind with regard to Hmong youth.Hutchinson and McNall (1994) found that despite the high levels of early marriage and early fertility in the Hmong sample studied, the overwhelming majority of young persons stay in high school and report high educational expectations.The authors attribute this result to the remarkable network of family resources these students can draw upon:“The cultural structures of Hmong society have been utilized to ensure that the younger generation will pursue the educational opportunities134Kinship Networks Among Hmong-American Refugeesavailable to them in America, thus enabling them to becomeeconomically independent in the second generation” (Hutchinson & McNall 1994:588).Although the authors do not elaborate on what constitutes the remarkable network of family relations, people I talked with noted that the childcare provided by family and kin members was the major factor that allowed them to work and attend school and college.I asked Shoua to elaborate on common strategies in her family network:I would say if you do have a conflict or daycare problems, wewould turn to his parents first.The first year [of themarriage], we moved over here [to Menomonie, WI], I was inhigh school and [he] was in college.It was very hard for daycare and so we had to send Kia [their infant daughter] to livewith them for a semester until we could find daycare at thehigh school for her.And they offered.They say, ‘we knoweducation is very hard and day care and finances are very hardtoo, so if you guys need us to take care of Kia, we will.’ Sowe took her home to stay with them for a whole semester.In this case, the couple depended on the patrilocal family even though they lived a two hour drive from them.This example shows that kin assistance can extend across geographical distances.I found that Hmong couples of all ages expect some conflict inmarriage and therefore equip themselves with realistic expectations of intimate human relationships.These normative expectations become lived experience in the context of the family, household, and kin relationships as individuals make sense of their personal roles in these human networks.From the experiences of men and women in thisstudy, I learned how patrilineal and patrilocal ties can be at once enabling and taxing, exemplifying the ambivalent nature of kinship I discussed in chapter one.I asked women how they knew whether their conduct as daughters-in-law was inappropriate or deficient.Gossip and subtle hints seem to be the most tried and true ways of letting a daughter-in-law know that she is falling short.Hmong classmates in my language class shared a laugh when we read a story about strained relations at home.In the story, the in-laws say to their daughter, “Mai, do the dishes,” which caused uproarious laughter because all the Hmong students knew theGender, The Family and Change135parents really meant, “daughter-in-law, do the dishes.” A verbal cue to the daughter is meant for the daughter–in-law as well.Sometimes, in-laws are more direct and tell her she is “a kid” because she has to be reminded to do everything; adults are presumed to know their family responsibilities.Men’s first experiences with the demands of being a husband, head of the household, and a son-in-law, occur with the initiation of his marriage, as described earlier in this chapter
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