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.Maybe you re looking for ashift that s a little more profound. I don t I don t really know what that means. I think you do.Not in concrete terms, but as a general principal,you do. He was watching me closely, assessing my response.I felt like hewas already shifting into the more dominant role, already being the one tomake things happen.I wasn t sure what I felt, but I knew it was strong.His voice was still soothing, but it was exciting, too. In concrete terms,it s not something that you need to worry about.If you re willing to givethis a try, then the concrete stuff is all my problem. I can t just turn my brain off. I had a sudden memory of Dan, thenight before, the sounds he d made, the way he d been completely open,completely free.Maybe his brain hadn t been turned off, but he hadn tbeen letting it get in the way of what he was doing. What would whatwould it be like? How would it be different? He only hesitated for a moment before he was leaning towards me,his fingers knotting in the hair on the back of my head, his lips on mine.The kiss wasn t rough.It was probably less physical pressure than earlierkisses, but somehow I felt it more.His tongue came forward immediately,not waiting for an invitation, and he held my head firmly in place.The58 Into the Light | Kate Sherwoodstools were tall and I barely noticed him shifting to his feet, but I felt himpull one of my legs to the side, making a space for himself to standbetween my thighs.But he didn t stand so much as lean, his whole bodymoving into mine, taking charge, taking possession.It was too much, and I pushed his shoulders away. Wait, Igasped, and he stepped back immediately.I was overwhelmed, and I feltunbalanced, but I was also rock hard. Not good? he asked. Too much? I didn t know how to respond. No it was good.And I don tthink it was too much.I just need a second to catch up. Do you? Or should we be trying to keep you from catching up,trying to stop your brain from ruining our fun? No.I I know what you re talking about.I get it.You re right,the mental is it s harder.It s scarier. I couldn t believe how easy it wasto say stuff like that to him. But the physical is new, too, right? I justyou can still be in charge if we go a bit slower, can t you? His grin was beautifully evil. Fuck, yeah.We can go slow.Wecan go as slow as you want. He didn t quite make it sound like a threat,but I definitely got the idea he had a plan.He was still smiling as hereached for the wine bottle and refilled our glasses.I was ready for him toget back to business, but instead he stepped away from me and walkedaround the counter over to the oven. We should eat.I put some time intothis damn bird. The shift was sudden, but I couldn t really argue.I guessed I washungry, although it was pretty far down my list of physical demands at themoment.But if he wanted to play it cool, I could play along. Okay.Itdoes smell good. I tried to ignore the way my zipper was digging into mydick.59 Into the Light | Kate SherwoodI felt like I was still off balance, but I didn t have that weird senseof disconnection that I d had earlier.If anything, I was too connected, tooaware of every damn thing in the room.Well, no.I was mostly too damnaware of Ryan.Every move he made showed me his body from a slightlydifferent angle, pulled his clothes across his muscles in a slightly differentway.He was good in the kitchen, efficient and confident, and that wassexy, too.I really didn t know where I was going with all this I d gonefrom ambivalent to totally enthusiastic in about two minutes.Was it justbecause I was being contrary, and didn t want to let him be the one todecide we weren t working? Or was there actually something valuable inthe whole relinquishing control idea? Hey, you no thinking, over there. His voice was teasing, butmaybe the message wasn t.He was holding two plates in front of him,loaded with chicken baked with a bunch of different vegetables, and itlooked good.But he looked better.I tried to focus on the food, tried to getmyself back under control, but he didn t make it easy.He set the plates onthe counter and then scooted his stool over closer to mine, so that when hesat down our legs were touching.He took a sip of wine, and I watched theway his throat moved as he swallowed.I can t say it didn t give me ideas
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