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.‘My legs felt like jelly’ is not original although it is apt.Thefollowing suggests the same feeling but is more vivid becauseit is original:My legs felt like spaghetti that had just been dipped intoboiling water.Producing metaphorsMetaphors are also comparisons but they are ‘implied’ anddo not use ‘like’ or ‘as’.We use metaphorical language agreat deal in everyday speech.It is language that is notliterally true but cannot be classified as a lie as everyoneknows what is meant.Look at the following examples:I’m starving.He says he’s freezing.She’s dying of thirst.I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 89All of the above examples are clichés and all are metaphors.The language is metaphorical – not literally true.If it weretrue, all three characters would be dead and we know that isnot what is meant.The moon is a silver ball in the dark sky.This is a metaphor but if ‘like’ is added, it becomes a simile:The moon is like a silver ball in the dark sky.Metaphors and similes both add interest to your writing but they should be used sparingly.Personifying inanimate objectsTo personify means to give an inanimate object humancharacteristics.Look at the following examples:The sun walked across the sky in her golden shoes.The table groaned under the weight of the food.Both use personification.The sun ‘walks’ and wears ‘goldenshoes’.The table ‘groans’.They are also metaphors as theyare not literally true.The use of the figures of speech we have just discussed, iscommon in prose writing and adds to the interest.Proseis written and spoken language that does not have a regularbeat or rhyme as some poetry does.90 / P A R T O N E : T H E B A S I C SEconomising on wordsGood writing is simple and easy to understand.Unnecessarywords should be eliminated.If one word can replace four,use it.Look at the following ‘wordy’ example:All of a sudden, he ran quickly to the computer.Heknew it was absolutely essential to eliminate completelyhis very unique work which, although extremelyexcellent, could put him in bad danger.In the event thathis enemies found and discovered what he had done, hewould try to give advance warning of the catastrophicdisaster that would follow.A number of the words and phrases in this example aretautologies.They repeat what has already been said andare quite unnecessary.‘Unique’ and ‘excellent’ cannot bequalified.They stand alone.Other expressions couldbe shortened to make the work flow.The passage could betightened up by the removal of many extra words.Why use‘all of a sudden’ when ‘suddenly’ will do? ‘Eliminate’ and‘essential’ do not need to be qualified.‘Absolutely’, ‘com-pletely’, ‘very’, and ‘extremely’ therefore should be deleted.‘Bad danger’, ‘advance warning’ and ‘catastrophic disaster’are also wrong.‘Danger’ is ‘bad’, a ‘warning’ always refers tothe future and a ‘disaster’ is ‘catastrophic’.Look at therevised version:Suddenly, he rushed to the computer.He knew itwas essential to eliminate his unique work, which,although excellent, could put him in danger.If hisenemies discovered what he had done, he would try toI M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 91give warning to the world of the disaster that wouldfollow.Making use of the active and passive voiceThe active voice is more positive than the passive voice.In the active voice a subject does something.In the passivevoice something is done to him.Active voiceThe father struck his son.The teacher gave the class a detention.Passive voiceThe son was struck by his father.The class was given a detention by the teacher.In the second version there are two extra words; the firstsentences have more vigour.NegativesUsing positive statements instead of negative ones alsoeconomises on words.For example:He did not remember his wife’s birthday.Clare was not present in the afternoon.would be better as the following:92 / P A R T O N E : T H E B A S I C SHe forgot his wife’s birthday.Clare was absent in the afternoon.Avoid double negatives which make a positive:There isn’t no one there.I haven’t got no lunch.The ‘not’ and the ‘no’ cancel each other out and thereforethe first example means there is someone there and thesecond means I have got some lunch.There is a choice of two correct versions.Only one negativeshould be used if the sense is to be kept:There isn’t anyone there.orThere is no one there.I haven’t got any lunch.orI have no lunch.Avoid double negatives.CHECKING YOUR WORKAlways check your work to make sure that it makes sense.Avoid vagueness and expressions which add nothing to yourI M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 93sentence.Some expressions to be avoided are: ‘to tell youthe truth’, ‘in fact’, ‘actually’.Avoid clichés, jargon, tautologies and unnecessary words.Make sure your phrases and clauses are in the right order so there is no confusion:She put the letter on the desk which had been opened.In the above, ‘which had been opened’ refers to the letternot the desk so it should follow ‘letter’.The following is thecorrect version:She put the letter, which had been opened, on the desk.Here’s another example:The knife was very sharp which he used.The correct version is:The knife, which he used, was very sharp.Aim to develop your own individual style of writing.Readwidely so you can appreciate others’ writing but do notcopy them.Always check your work carefully to make sureyour sentences make sense, are well-constructed and do notcontain any careless mistakes.94 / P A R T O N E : T H E B A S I C SAvoid repeatedly using words like ‘and’, ‘very’, ‘nice’ and‘got’.All of them are very overworked.Change your sen-tence structure or find a synonym to replace them.Don’tbegin sentences with ‘and’, ‘but’ or ‘also’.Nothing is more monotonous than the repetition of the samesentence pattern.Vary it by changing the length of yoursentences and by placing clauses and phrases in a differentorder.There is a variety of different sentence structures youcan use.Look at the following examples:1.The bride looked radiant.(One main clause.)2.The match was cancelled because of the weather.(Mainclause followed by dependent clause.)3.Because of the weather, the match was cancelled.(Dependent clause followed by main clause.)4.Peeping into the bedroom, she saw that her daughter wasstill asleep.(Phrase followed by main clause.)5
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