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.Raleigh explains, Pirro Cy has been so supportiveby being involved in prenatal visits, reading with me, talking tofriends about their experiences and then sharing them with me.We talk about the future and about parenting styles.He s show-ing how he ll be a good father, and it has increased my attractionto him. Caring behaviors whether bestowed on yourself or sharedwith your partner tend to have that effect.Keep this chapterhandy as a reminder of the many ways to pamper yourself duringpregnancy.Hot Mamas know that loving self-care is a crucial partof a holistic approach to both pregnancy and sexuality. 6Love and War:Baby vs.Partner(or Baby vs.Sex) Taking thingsslowly, lovingly,and lightheartedly, withan open and adventuresomeattitude, is key to becoming sexually intimate again. 152enderstandably, you re probably a wee bit immersed in yourlittle one right now and will be for quite a while.Even-Utually, though, you ll resurface from the joys of havinga newborn, look at the other, much taller love of your life, andfind yourself asking: Will we ever have sex again? This questionhaunts the hearts and minds of many new parents, especially dur-ing the physician-imposed refractory phase just after the birth,which can run from weeks to months depending on your delivery.If you re not careful, the time period following the Big Day canquickly turn into a subconscious war for your attention.Many in our society know surprisingly little about childbirthand sex, even if they ve participated in them.Add to this the factthat most of the literature on the subject of sex and pregnancy issadly limited and far less frank than necessary for the establish-ment of healthy, comfortable discourse.Most couples lack the in-formation that would help them rediscover and sustain a healthysex life postbirth.Your Hot Mama mentor team wants to changethat!Show Yourselves Some Compassion''When it comes to postpregnancy sex, the new mother s part-ner inevitably feels neglected by her, no matter how hard she hasworked to prevent this from happening.Felicity says, Sex post-pregnancy is a very different situation.For about two months af-ter giving birth, there was no way I was going to have sex since I wasdealing with issues like exhaustion, hormones, and slight bleed-ing.The relationship became charged with a different intensity Love and War: Baby vs.Partner (or Baby vs.Sex) 153Eàsince I was now a mother focusing on her child.There was thisshift in us because we now had another person, a helpless child, inthe family. The battle between baby and partner begins long before thelittle one s introduction into your life.The uncertainty thatcomes with knowing someone else is joining the mix can leavesome partners, including the Hot Mama herself, insecure aboutthe amount of attention and energy that will be left over for them.Unfortunately, regardless of good intentions on the part of eitherpartner, both of you will be spread much thinner after your newarrival.Babies take a lot of time and energy, and there s no wayaround the fact that you will simply have less private time together.For this reason, it s very important to quell the trouble before itbegins.Probably the best advice we can give you about reclaiming ev-erything in your life, including hot sex, is this: Don t push your-self too soon.It s unfair for anybody, including yourself, to expecttoo much of you right away.You have been through a lot physio-logically, psychologically, and emotionally, so it is important notto overload yourself with too many activities, especially when itcomes to pleasing anybody in your life who isn t the baby. Drawyour boundaries early to reserve your chi so you can expend it onthe most important people in your life: your baby and your lover.Here s Felicity again: It was such an exciting time, but at the be-ginning you cannot expect everything to always be tiptoeingthrough tulips. It can be hard and isolating.Even though you havea newborn, you still need to do things with your partner alone, 154 Your Orgasmic Pregnancyewhether it s going out for dinner or out with friends.You needto maintain couplehood and not neglect each other.You need tostay connected because it s been such an awe-inspiring event andit can be easy to stay in on a Saturday night with your baby.It s okayto be away from your child and be with your spouse.It s key to dothings together as a couple and maintain that bond so you don tlose sight of it. The Importance of Getting Laid''First, why do you need to have sex? To that we ask: Why not?While you shouldn t need an excuse to make love, rememberthat sex is the foundation of your connection with your partner.Without it, you run the risk of becoming so detached as to barelyrecognize each other.Sex reduces stress and boosts your energy,and as any new parent will tell you, that s a good thing! The endor-phins released during sex help you to feel more at ease and cen-tered.This is something your baby picks up on
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