[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I used to go around to night clubs and pick outwomen who would react that way."There's a good one.Watchthis.I can make her feel terrible." "Hi chick." "Arrgghh!"If you don't want people to use sexist language, it makesbetter sense to make them feel bad when they do it.That's a lotmore fun, and a lot more effective,.and a lot more liberated,too.One thing I like to do is go after women when they makesexist remarks.A woman will say, "Well, the girls in the office ""How old are they?""Huh? They're in their 30V"You call them girls! They're women, you sexist pig! Do youcall your husband a boy?"If you do something to make people feel bad when they makesexist remarks, that at least puts the motivation to change whereit belongs in the person whose behavior you want to change.However, criticizing and attacking people really isn't the best wayto get them to change.The best way is to discover how theyalready motivate themselves, and use that.If you ask a lot of weird questions, and if you're persistent,you can find out how anyone does anything, including motivation.Many people are troubled by "lack of motivation," and one ex-ample of that is not being able to get up in the morning.If westudy those people, we can find out how not to wake up, whichcould be of use to insomniacs.Everything that people can do isuseful to someone, somewhere, sometime.But let's find out howsomeone wakes up easily and quickly, without drugs.Who in hereregularly wakes up easily in the morning?Betty: I get up easily.OK.How do you get yourself up?Betty: I just wake myself up.I need a little more detail than that.How do you know whenyou are awake? What is the first thing that you are aware of Going For It 73when you are awake? Does the alarm wake you up, or do youjust wake up, typically?Betty: I don't have an alarm.I just realize that I'm notsleeping.How do you realize that you are not sleeping? Do you beginto talk to yourself? Do you start to see something?Betty: I tell myself.What do you tell yourself?Betty: "I'm awake.I'm waking up."What allowed you to know that you could say that? The voicethat says, "I'm waking up," is notifying you that there is some-thing to notice, so something must have preceded the voice.Wasthe voice commenting on a feeling, or was there suddenly lightcoming in? Something changed.Go back and remember it so thatyou can go through it sequentially.Betty: I think it was a feeling.What kind of a feeling? Warmth? Pressure?.Betty: Warm, yes.Did you go from warmer to cooler, or from cooler to warmer?Betty: The sensation of warmth became intensified.I felt mybody get warmer.As you began to become aware of warm feelings, you saidto yourself, "I'm waking up." What happens right after that? Youhaven't seen anything yet? No internal images?Betty: I said, "I have to get up."Is the voice loud? Are there any other sounds, or is therejust a voice in there? Does it have tone?Betty: It is a very calm voice, it's an easy voice.Does the tone of that voice inside change as you begin towake up more and more?Betty: Yes.It speeds up and becomes more clear and distinct,more alert.This is an example of what we call a motivation strategy.It'snot the whole thing, but it's enough to give us the key piece thatmakes it work to get her to do something.She has an internalvoice that sounds like a sleepy, calm voice.Then as it says, "Ihave to get up," it begins to speed up and change that tone toon that is more awake and alert. 74 Using Your BrainI want all the rest of you to try this.Doing it yourself is howyou really find out about how other people do things.You don'thave to say the same words, but take a moment to close youreyes, feel your body, and then listen to a voice inside your head.Have that voice begin to talk to you in a tone that is sleepy andcalm., Now have that voice speed up a little, become a littlelouder and more alert.Notice how your feelings change.,Does that affect the way you feel? If it doesn't, check yourpulse.An excited internal voice is a great way to wake yourselfup whenever you need it.If you start talking to yourself andputting yourself to sleep at a time when you probably shouldn't,like on the freeway, you can learn to raise the volume and pitch,talk a little faster about something that is exciting, and it willwake you right up.This is what many insomniacs do.They talk to themselves ina loud, high-pitched, excited voice, and it wakes them up evenif they're talking about how much they need to sleep.Insomniacstend to be very alert and motivated.They think they don't sleepmuch, but studies have found that they actually sleep about asmuch as everybody else.What's different is that they also spenda lot of time trying to go to sleep, but they keep waking themselvesup with their tone of voice.The other main way to have insomnia is to look at lots ofbright, flashing pictures, I asked one client what he did and hesaid, "Well, I start thinking about all the things that I may notbe thinking about." I went home that night and tried it."Whatis it I'm not thinking about?" Soon it was six in the morning,and I thought, "I know what it is sleep!"Now I want you to change your internal voice back the otherway.Make it softer, lower, slower and sleepier, and notice howthat makes you feel.,.Once I almost lost an audience doing this.Open your eyesand speed up that voice again, or you'll have to get the rest ofthis seminar unconsciously.This is something you can teach in-somniacs, and it's also a process you can use yourself wheneveryou need it.For instance, I've learned that the best thing I cando on an airplane is to go unconscious.Between my house and Going For It 75the main airport is a short 20-minute flight.As soon as I sit downin the seat sst I'm out.Man: When you're finding out how someone motivates her-self, how do you know that you have gotten to the beginning ofthe sequence? For instance, Betty was saying the voice that wastalking to her started getting louder.How do you know whatquestions to ask at that point?That depends on your purpose in asking the questions.Thereis really no way to determine where somebody starts.You justneed to get enough detail so that you can create the same expe-rience.If I do it myself, and it works, then I've probably gotenough information.The way to test these things is in experience your own or someone else's.Once I know someone's motivation strategy, I can literallymotivate her to get out of a chair or do anything else by havingher go through the same process: "Feel the chair, say to yourself,'I have to get up.' Change your tonality and say it again in avoice that is faster, louder, and more alert." Whatever the processis that you use to get up in the morning, you probably use thesame process to get yourself to walk downstairs to pick up a book,or to do anything else.There are a lot of different ways that people use to motivatethemselves.Rather than just tell you about them, I want you toget some experience of finding out about them on your own.Pairup with someone you don't know, and find out how she gets upout of bed in the morning.Everybody here had to do it at leastthis morning; the ones who can't do it didn't make it to thisseminar
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]