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.Boy,that's dumb.Everybody has him figured for a real dope this way.But maybe he'drather look like a dope than a wimp.But he had to know something was wrong; she'd recognized the subjects of hisassignment right away, and from the way everybody else looked, the rest of theclass did, too.Him and Harper having it out, except that he wins and walks out on her, whichhe never does in real life.Come on, Deke you only wish!Yeah, and I wish he would, too.file:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%.%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).html (216 of 434)3/16/2004 9:27:01 PM file:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%20Diana%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).htmlBart finished droning, and she woke up to the feet mat he was the last one toread his piece as Diana nodded and hitched herself up onto the top of the desk.She seemed to like to sit up there.Maybe it's because she used to be a hippie.The writer scooted herself back and folded her legs up, lotus-style."Okay,remember I said I wasn't going to grade anybody down as long as it was clearthat you were trying.You all have been, and if there's any reason why some ofyou guys that aren't comfortable with this need something higher than a B cometalk to me and I'll see what we can arrange, okay? Because by now it's prettyobvious that some of you were better than others, am I right?"Monica could see a couple of the other kids, Bart among them, noddingvigorously.Diana grinned."It's also pretty obvious that the two best were Monica and Deke.Now what stands out in your minds about those two scenes that makes themgood?"Diana led them all in a spirited discussion of what made the scenes work, andwhat was lacking in the ones the rest of them had done."And just to keep youtwo from getting swelled heads, " she finished, just before the bell rang,"Monica, you repeated yourself too much and I got the feeling you were paddingthe thing out to make it ten pages and you had some really choppy sentences.A sentence needs to be more than three words long, folks; if you have a lot ofthree-word sentences, it's more than time to think about combining them.Deke,your protagonist was pretty unrealistic.There's no indication to me of why heever started dating this chick in the first place.There's no way you'd catch mefile:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%.%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).html (217 of 434)3/16/2004 9:27:01 PM file:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%20Diana%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).htmlgoing with a bitch like her if I was a guy. Monica saw him flush beet red out of the corner of her eye, but Diana had turnedback to the blackboard and missed it."Okay, gang, here's the next phase.It's time to put in some action'and a thirdcharacter." She was writing all this down in a series of two- and three-wordnotes.Monica thought her eccentric style of printing was kind of neat, likecalligraphy."Follow your viewpoint character right after the fight; bring in thatthird character and make him or her an ally.After all, some of you just trashedyour v.p.character; now it's time to give him somebody sympathetic.But nottoo sympathetic; this is an ally, not a yes-man.And for those of you whoseviewpoint character won what if he's really in the wrong? He needs to gettaken down a peg.Even if he's right, there's two sides to every argument, andsomebody should point out the other side.For the sake of making thingsinteresting, let's not make it the v.p.character's best friend, okay? Somebodywho's maybe a friend, maybe a teacher, but somebody who can give him a littlegrief along with the sympathy."Diana turned away from the blackboard, and by then Deke had gotten hisblushing under control."Have fun with this, gang.That's what we're all about inthis business. At that moment the lunch bell rang."See you tomorrow, kids.Monica, can I talkto you a minute? I got a chance to read your stuff last night. "Sure." Monica gathered up her things; her stomach felt fluttery and uncertain.She was no longer quite so certain about the quality of her work.Sure it was allfile:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%.%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).html (218 of 434)3/16/2004 9:27:01 PM file:///F|/eMule/Incoming/Lackey,%20Mercedes%20-%20Diana%20Tregarde%2003%20-%20Jinx%20High.%20(v1.1).htmlright for class, but Diana was a real writer, and she'd asked for a real writer'skind of critique."Monica, " Di said, pulling a manila envelope out of her briefcase and handing itto her, "I'm pleased and surprised, on the whole.I won't kid you.You've got real,honest-to-God potential.You have a genuine flair for characterization and asolid grasp of the way conversation works.But "All through this Monica's heart had been lifting now it plummeted into hershoes."But?" she replied doubtfully."You might as well tell me the worst. "Your plots are weak, " Diana said, with a touch of reluctance."You make thingsentirely too easy for your characters.Think about it; a story where everythinggoes right and your character is perfect from the beginning is boring! Even infairy tales things start out rotten for the heroine, get worse, and only at the veryend does she 'live happily ever after.' You ve got to make your character workfor her happy ending.And making her wonderful, sweet, understanding, nofaults at all what is she, Mother Teresa? If she's that fabulous, she should be asaint
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