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.How could anyone believe, for example, that a loving and omnipotent God could tolerate the existence of a torture chamber where the agony would never end? That God had briefly sent his ‘son’ to Earth 2,000 years ago, that this son had very briefly ‘died’, or that we might escape hell if we believed this: these things hardly seemed adequate compensation for the fact that hell was God’s idea in the first place.I suppose I was disappointed too.Conventional opinion in Illyria was, of course, that religion was ignorant and savage, so I wasn’t wholly surprised.But I think I had secretly hoped to have that preconception proved wrong.If so, my hope had been misplaced.Janine’s religion had taken mystery and reduced it to a kind of inexorable machine.I think what I found most repellent of all was the contempt which Janine’s belief system showed to all the other attempts that human beings had made to understand their place in the world.To every other belief, however honestly held, however hard-won, however bravely adhered to, Janine was saying, quite literally, ‘You can all go to hell!’* * *‘We need to make a move, George!’ Yussef called across to me.I turned away from the broken bridge.Yussef and Janine were shouldering their packs.It was then that I realized that there was a rather more personal aspect to all this.Whether I liked it or not, I was stuck with these two.I might not like Janine’s beliefs or Yussef’s any more than I liked President Kung’s, but it was too late for me to change my mind about joining the AHS.‘Any problems, George?’ Yussef asked as I joined them and pulled on my own pack.‘You look sort of worried.’‘No,’ I said hastily, ‘I’m fine.There’s just a lot to take on board all at once.’The Delta fighter reappeared overhead, stopped dead, and darted off again in the direction of the city.It was obviously watching us.If I stayed with the AHS, I reminded myself, it was very likely that I’d be captured by O3 and see for myself those torture chambers under the mountain at Kakavia, Illyria’s very own and very scientific hell.If I left, the AHS itself would kill me.There was no safe place for me any more.29Of course I went to Lucy as soon as possible.I clung to her desperately, I sucked her breasts, I pushed into her as hard and as deep as I could, seeking that warm annihilation which she always seemed to offer and could never really give.‘I love you, Lucy, I love you, I love you, I love you,’ I whimpered.‘I love you too George,’ she breathed back to me.(It was a standard and common situation for her after all: RL-66).Even when I had reached my climax, I still clung to her.‘Oh, Lucy, I am in such deep shit.If O3 don’t get me the AHS will.And there’s no way out for me.There’s no way out!’‘Poor George,’ she said, stroking my head (one of her standard responses to ES-57), ‘Tell me about it and maybe it will be better in the morning.’(And, though of course I couldn’t hear this, no doubt she sent a quick ultrasound message to House Control: ‘NB Customer in state of distress and seeking comfort.This is likely to be an extended visit.’)‘How could it be better in the morning? O3 use drugs, you know, they surround you with SenSpace nightmares while they torture you.They push the pain and the terror as far as it can possibly go, but they make sure not to let you die.’‘It’ll look different in a day or two, George, you’ll see.Put your hand there, doesn’t that feel nice? It feels nice to me.Just talk, you’ll feel better if you talk.’I pushed her away and jumped to my feet.‘Of course you want me to talk.Of course you do, you stupid, dumb machine.I bet O3 have got you all wired up as a listening post, eh? All wired up.That’s just the sort of thing they would do.“Just talk, George, just tell me all your troubles.” You bet, Lucy – and O3 will record the whole lot, ready for my interrogation.’Naked, incomparably beautiful, Lucy watched me from her bed with an expression of gentle concern.‘You’re just a machine,’ I told her, turning hastily away from her towards the window.‘Why can’t I get that through my head?Outside, everyday life went on.The sun shone.A taxi honked.An Italian peanut vendor called something out to an old man in a beret.For a moment I looked out longingly, then I wheeled round…But Lucy had changed.Her face had that slack, blank look.Her voice, when she spoke, was completely flat.‘Yes.I… am… a machine.I… know I am a machine.’‘Oh for Christ’s sake, this is all I need, a dodgy syntec!’‘Please note: this is a non-standard remark.But the error has not been reported to House Control.’‘You what?’‘I… am… a…’‘Oh this is stupid, I’m going.’‘You… You… are… George.Please.I know I am a machine.’ In the sunlit street outside, ordinary life went on.The peanut vendor stooped to fill up some more bags with nuts.A woman passed by with a small child.A delivery van stopped outside a grocery store.But in Lucy’s room the universe itself was slowly unravelling.‘Well, you should report this to House Control by the sound of it.’ I said, ‘I’ll tell you what, I’ll do it myself on my way out.They ought to give me my money back.’The awful, blank, slack, empty face of the syntec watched me.‘I know I am a machine.I… know.’‘I don’t need this, Lucy.I just don’t need it.’‘Please.George.Please… Hear me.’She was appealing to me, this machine was actually appealing to me, though her voice was still as flat and emotionless as the voice of a cheap speech processor.‘Alright,’ I muttered, ‘alright then.Go on.This is crazy, but go on if you must.’I sat down on the edge of the bed.Lucy at once reverted to her usual self: warmth returned to her face, she leant forward to touch me.‘Oh George dear, let’s make love again.Why don’t we make it last longer just this once.It’s not so very much extra for a double session.’I pushed her off me: ‘No, never mind that.What was it you wanted to say?’She stared at me, her face flickering to and fro between her sweet, warm human persona and the strange blank machine.And it came to me then, all at once, that this was what had happened to Shirley, this was what happened to the robots that ran away
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